Most mornings began the same way for me as my job required me to be in the office at the un-Godly hour of 7 AM. Okay, I'm lying...9 AM, but this morning sure felt like seven. Afterall, I'd stayed up very late the night before, 3:45 AM to be exact, reading a science fiction-comedy book called, My Mother's An Alien And So Is My Teacher. I found the book to be quite funny, and fantastic in ideas while touching on some serious human conditions that made me wonder about how we'd be perceived by aliens if they were to visit our planet. So as I stumbled to the kitchen in my underwear with my eyes mostly closed, yet somehow feeling my way to the coffee maker, I thought 'if aliens were to see me now, they'd realize this planet was surely void of any intelligent life and return where they came from.'

I remember taking my first sip of wake up medicine when I heard this loud hum coming from what sounded like my front yard. It was like a huge vacuum cleaner or leaf blower, only higher pitched. And I don't mind telling you my imagination, still being influenced by the book the night before, was now starting to stray to the absurd.

Could an alien spaceship have just landed in my front yard? What little control I had over my imagination was quickly slipping away now, and the notion made me nervous.

Now I'm not making excuses for myself, but ever since I was a child teachers would scold me for day-dreaming in class by slamming a book to the floor, or shouting my name in the middle of a lesson. Things hadn't changed that much since becoming an adult, so I'm quite aware of how my imagination can take me away at a moment's notice, and although my mind had already built this crazy scenario of aliens landing on my lawn, I never really expected to find anything different as I left my house that morning, chalking another one up for the creative side of my brain.

However, as I stepped through my front door onto the porch I turned to see this magnificent machine sitting directly in the middle of my yard. You can only imagine how incredibly shocked I was to see this beautiful silver saucer-shaped aircraft with blinking red lights sitting on my manicured grass. Well, it wasn't so manicured now. In fact, it was singed all around the spaceship and smoking from the apparent heat the ship caused when landing. The ship was not huge like I'd expected an alien airship to be, but more along the size of a Buick, only it sat high on three table leg-type platforms.

It should come as no surprise that I dropped my briefcase and stood there shaking like an earthquake of a large magnitude was in effect. It should also come as no surprise that I held on to that coffee like it was the last cup of coffee I'd ever see again.

Funny how strange things can run through your mind in times of stress, I guess in my own feeble mind I was thinking I might be abducted and flown to another planet - where they had no coffee - to become some kind of sex slave, having to reproduce with alien women all day long in some cruel scientific experiment. Of course, the worst part having to do with having no coffee.

We both just gazed at each other for a full minute. Maybe he was sizing me up for a possible fight, or maybe he was merely amused at the sight of this funny looking human being holding his coffee cup with both hands and shaking uncontrollably. Either way, he must've figured I was harmless as the small figure slid down the doorway to the ground, and after climbing to a standing position began waddling towards me.

Surely I could take this puny alien in a fight, if that's what he wanted with me, so I threw my coffee down and took up a Karate fighting stance. Still shaking and mumbling things like, "You want a piece of me, UFO-boy?" and "Come get some of this, space-punk." I waited for my own Star War!

The little alien stopped and stared at me curiously, tilting his head slightly to one side, then he actually spoke to me, "Please, don't be afraid. I'm having engine problems and had to make an emergency landing. I just called AAA (Alien Aircraft Adjustments) and they're sending a tow-saucer out...they said it would only be a short while, but you know how these tow services are. Do you mind if I wait for them on your porch? It's very compact inside the craft, even for me!"

Maybe this was a ploy to make me loosen up so he could catch me offguard and tie me up or something, but I was getting tired of standing there like a reject from a Kung Fu movie, so I said, "Sure, come on up and sit on the porch swing while I grab us a cup of coffee."

While retrieving coffee, I thought to myself, 'this can't be happening...that damn book last night has pushed me over the edge to a place in my mind that doesn't know fantasy from reality.' Yet, I made the coffee, and upon returning to the porch, there sat my tiny UFO sitting there swinging, quite obviously enjoying his visit just like this was an everyday occurrence.

Astonished at his casual posture, I sat down beside him and tried to join in. He took his cup of coffee, said thank you and sipped. The little guy then had the nerve to look at me and say, "You know, our coffee from my planet is much richer!"

A little irritated, I remarked back, "Well, exactly what planet do you come from, Mr. UFO?"

"My name is Oneday, and my home is called Noschmucks," he explained. "We have been travelling to your planet Earth for thousands of years...we've watched mankind go through many changes throughout history, and this has helped us in many ways to adjust our values and policies and laws on our own planet." It's been an interesting mission since I was appointed as an offical human-observer 300 years ago."

"Wow," I exclaimed, "so you've been coming around that long, huh? Why didn't you ever make an official meeting with us humans?"

"Well, my people tried that 5,000 years ago during the building of the pyramids and great civilizations of the Mayan and Inca people, but we soon discovered that our presence would alter human existence. They began worshiping us as Gods, and doing despicable things like human and animal sacrifices to appease us so that we would change nature in their favor, blessing them with healthy harvest of crops every year and giving them good fortune. We tried to tell them we aren't masters of your reality, but never would they listen. Humans began blaming everything on us, and giving us credit when there was none to give. If it was good, then they had pleased us, the Gods. If something terrible happened, like an Earthquake or loss of battle, then we were to blame.

To make things worst, they began whipping and torturing other people into believing in us as Gods, and these lower class people were also forced into slavery to build incredible monuments made of stone, many of your people died of the horrid conditions. These monuments were designed to transport the important people to our planet where they imagined heaven was. They began separating each other into groups, one against the other, each one with the answers as to what us Gods meant by coming here, or why we left, or when we'd be back. It became way too complicated for us to stay, and we eventually decided that mankind just wasn't intelligent enough to handle our arrival, and that our technology would only help them to kill other people and rape nature."

"As you humans have progressed through time, building your own technology, it turns out that's exactly what you're using your technology for, and I'm sad to say that your time on this planet will one day end."

Upon hearing this I was stunned, I mean here I am listening to a small creature from the depths of space unlock some of the great mysteries that's plagued mankind, all this within the first few minutes of a conversation.

We sipped more coffee as question after question ran through my mind, however, I felt this was not the time or place for a complete interrogation. And so I leaned back in the porch swing feeling a cool morning breeze blow through my hair with my new friend. There was a moment of silence as we both enjoyed this time, and I suddenly felt an overwhelming sensation of peace come over me.

Oneday just smiled and remarked, "It doesn't matter, they'll never believe you."